September So, as the title says, my best friend is having an affair or whatever you want to call it with a married man. DuckyPDuckerson 5 years ago Wedding: Stay strong because you could very well lose a good friend. December Tricky situation! EffieTrinket 5 years ago Wedding: January I think it is wrong to date a married man.. Schatzie 5 years ago Wedding: BrandNewBride 5 years ago Wedding: Ninteenthchance 5 years ago peasantsong: Skittles 5 years ago Wedding: November - St.
Augustine Beach, FL peasantsong: Jacqui90 5 years ago Wedding: TakeTwo 5 years ago Wedding: Sometimes when friends do very reprehensible things, it is hard to continue the friendship. Growing up seeing infidelity is likely why it turns my stomach. September To all who have suggested that I tell the wife — I might consider doing so If I knew him or his wife. Get the best wedding inspiration, advice, and more from Weddingbee. I agree to receive emails from the site. And your knowledge of those things makes you culpable in them as well.
I strongly suggest you start by trying to right some of those problems. My husband and I are close friends with another couple. We have a six-year old boy, and they have two children, an eight-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. For years, now, the kids have socialized, because we socialize. I know it sounds horribly snobby to say this, but their kids are allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want. Is there a way to deal with this without jeopardizing our relationship with our friends? I see two courses of action for you, PP. The first is to begin to limit the amount of time your kids spend together.
I think you did your friend a favour in dumping her and you did yourself a disservice. You're right to set the requirement for yourself that friends share your values.
You do not have the right to demand she share those values. I would have found hectoring about my choices to be extremely annoying-- particularly if it went on for two weeks.
Her choices are really none of your business. Be her friend or don't. Personally, what I would have done is said, "Jane, my husband cheated on me and told the other woman that we were basically separated, which was a lie. I have no idea the truth of your boyfriend's situation, but because of what happened to me, I keep imagining the worst.
I'm afraid that means I'm not really a good person to talk to about your new relationship. Do you want to talk about the film? This is my real backstory, and really how I would react. You never get to tell other people how to live, and trying to rarely works out well for anybody. And even if you're trying to help, she made it pretty clear to you up front that she doesn't give a shit if he's married. That said, you're fine to walk away from people you decide don't meet your standards. You just don't get to demand they change to meet your standards.
I might have withheld my opinion and asked some questions like "How do you feel about that? If they expressed any concern I might have said "you know, you deserve someone who can give you more. When I withhold judgment people are more willing to share openly and less likely to get defensive, and then I can often see that they actually have complicated feelings about things, and if they want to make a change I can then offer them support.
However I have a tendency to find myself playing untrained therapist in some of my friendships so this may not be the best approach. I think frumiosb's script is really good. Honest, focuses on how the speaker feels, and sets a boundary. I mean, just as a counter example, my mother and father separated when I was 2. My mother met my step-father a year later and they moved in together. My mother and father literally didn't bother to get divorced for another decade. You don't get to make a universal declaration about how "us singles" can or should operate.
You get to make decisions about your own behavior. You do not get to hector other people's about theirs.
Welcome to Reddit,
If you cannot live with a friend's choices, you exit quietly and with as little drama as possible. There are no points for making a moral stand. My parents were separated; my Dad met someone; she was initially concerned that he was separated but not divorced; she decided to trust him and told the friends who were pressuring her to mind their own business; and my parents were able to negotiate the logistics and finances of their divorce on their own timeline.
- ice core dating accuracy?
- (Closed) My best friend is having an affair with a married man.
- good dating photos!
- just started dating christmas gift girl;
- My Friend is 'Dating' a Married Man.
Her patience saved the rest of the family a lot of drama forcing a home sale immediately rather than after my Mom found a new place , and I'm really grateful to her for that. I think there are points for making a moral stand about, like, child abuse, or securities fraud, stuff like that.
In this case I think you overstepped. She's not breaking up a marriage and I just don't understand why you think yours is the virtuous stance. For all you know she could be the best thing about this guy's life right now and an important part of his emotional recovery from a traumatically bad marriage. That said, if you find her detestable then don't be her friend, that's a choice you get to make.
My best friend is having an affair with a married man
It doesn't matter if you overstepped or not. You identified something in this friendship which was stressing you out and making you unhappy, so you ended the friendship. That's always the right thing to do. SHE was the one always bringing it up and asking me advice. And Wow, I guess I am surprised so many people are ok with single people dating married people. I feel like everything in the world is turning upside down on everything anymore. Like things are all backwards anymore.
I guess I just don't fit in anymore. Your opinions line up with some people's and not with others'. There's not a monolithic morality in the US where I think you are though there may be within some subcultures. More to the point, there are edge case situations mine is uncannily similar to DarlingBri, my parents were married for another few decades after the separated, stayed together for I don't remember health insurance or whatever that may be central to some people's lives.
And some of those people are here. So I wouldn't worry too much about this. It's fine to set your own boundaries with a friend and within your own personal relationships as you have done. It's just also useful to understand that those values belong to you and not necessarily to the entire world so sometimes you may want to make different choices in how you prioritize, say, your feelings about marriage versus your feelings about friendship.
As I said, I think you made the right decision for you. Life is frequently more complex than we would like it to be. Is probably why divorce is not being actively pursued. At the end of the day, though, it's up to you what you want in your life and don't want in your life, so if you feel relieved by the decision you made, then it's the right one for you.
A lot of people stay married for legal reasons, like health care for a disabled child or adult for years after the relationship is over. It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if it was some reason like that. In this day and age separated is enough for dating. As long as they really are separated and he's not in town for work and making up a story.
In the end it's the same - you get to shun whomever you want - but there'd be a lot more people agreeing that this woman is shun-worthy. This sounds like a woman dating a man whose marriage is over and has moved to a different city and is moving on. It's not the same thing as homewrecking.
And plenty of people here have experience with long separations and are explaining why it's not the same thing as being party to the breakup of a marriage. I don't disagree with your take on possible risks to your friend in this situation. People can be fairly confused fresh off a split like that, and they do sometimes get back together with their exes. If she's in her late 40s, and into this for love , sure, it'd be ideal if she had a clear indication that she was this guy's 1 priority.
A divorce would certainly indicate that, though as people are saying, there might be complications and variations that don't exclude non-divorce from good intentions.
And he does live in a different city from his ex, which absent some other explanation is a pretty good sign he's keen to move on. I think it's a little worrying that she's so full of butterflies that she's actively avoiding thinking about the possibility, though. But I'm also wondering if she actually meant that even if he is attempting reconciliation with his wife, that she would still want to date him, and that it did not matter to her because she likes him THAT much. I guess I might have focused less on judgment and more on concern for her.